Alone

The hum of the fridge, and dust in my lungs, thoughts of another beer, knuckles swollen, cold night, gas heater on the fritz, the cat on the couch, the kitchen table piled high with crap, and a heat pack on my back, angry thoughts of an old love, but then again, that wasn't love, I've no idea what that was, but I know there is anger, and that bothers me, my life past present future presents itself to me like a home movie, warbly clips going in and out of focus, the sound of static electricity and pieces of conversation, directions, directives, laughter collapsing on the lawn, observations unrequited, paths of thought unrequited, patience and honor unrequited, this is why so many quit is it not, not quite, but something close, like a blanket held up to your chin, the body beneath restless and hot, ribs nervous about their charge, their responsibility, to protect all that, beats and murmurs, lungs like the sail of a boat, the rudder free and searching, the sheets twist in the gale force, the night a pool of ink, eyes filled with indigo, staining the clouds, searching, I search, I make marks, signposts, but receding, I recede, the way is lost, is it lost, the path I wanted to tread, the path I wanted to meet you on?