Mayonnaise... check!

I made a "to do" list last week in an attempt to prioritize and organize my thoughts and necessary tasks, 'cause lately, there's a lot of them. I moved into this place a month ago, and because the rent is cheap, there are... things... things that need to be fixed, adjusted, replaced, refurbished, etc. So granted, a lot of the stuff on the list are not things you can exactly snap your fingers and accomplish just like that. I mean, for example:

paint kitchen cabinets
plane bathroom and kitchen doors
replace cords on lamps
wall-mounted shelves for speakers
paint bathroom and install hardware
install shelves on basement landing
etc.(oh yes, there's much more!)

And sure, I started my new job last week, and have been engaged in a battle royale with this head/chest cold for a week, but you'd think maybe I would've found time for at least some of the following:

art therapy books from library
find missing box
haircut?
massage?
Set up Ebay account

And one lousy trip to the hardware store would've X'd off the following:

joint compound/plaster
sealer?
paint for kitchen
shower drain cover
new shower head?

But no, as I reviewed the list the one lowly item I could honestly X out was mayonnaise. I can at least say that I used the mayonnaise on a sandwich.

I didn't intend to talk about all that, but it just struck me funny, and so I did. A bigger thing that's been going on today, well, this afternon and evening, is that for some reason I have been super cranky/angry. I stopped by my mom's earlier, and I was eating some leftovers from dinner in the back room with the dog, she comes in, looks at me and says "Are you alright?" With a mouthful of food I kind of gave her a WTF look, and after swallowing said, "What are you talking about?" to which she replied, "You sounded sad on the phone earlier" and I just snapped back at her "I have a fricking cold and my voice is gone - I sound horrible no matter what." Why did this irritate me so much? She was just concerned about me. But that's the energy - this sort of pushing away, leave me alone, I don't need anybody, take care of yourself-and-don't-worry-about-me energy. I don't know if it's got something to do w/ the fact that I have so much to do this week, critical stuff, livelihood stuff, and having even a remote sense of being coddled makes me slam the gate? Ya know, like don't remind me of my weaknesses when I need to be strong and kicking ass, even though (especially because) I feel like curling up in bed all week and shutting out the world? So much to do, yes, and all on my own, yes, and with the fucking major handicap of being sick as a dog to the point where my thinking and my speaking voice are very impaired. Aggh!!! Crank-fest, I admit it! I'd be looking forward to bed much more if I had the reassurance I was going to be able to breathe freely and also not cough violently all night. This is what I'm talking about. If things were more settled with work and environs, none of this sickness/losing sleep b.s. would matter nearly as much. In the meantime, I'll do my best to soldier on.

Tomorrow's To-do list:

give self break
take small bites
take dog for ride in car
breathe, heal.