I Think I'm Drunk, Bitchiz

Why did I buy that bottle of vodka? Goddamn. Chaka Khan. I feel for you. WARNING: This post is gonna make a whole lot of nonsense. Just watched the movie "Dandelion", on the recommendation of a friend. I liked it. Made me cry a few times. I was horrified to discover that one of the leads, Taryn Manning, was also in the Britney Spears vanity piece "Roadtrip." As the character Danny in Dandelion she was very effective, not to mention stunning. There was a drug/drink fueled scene, set to the Cat Power version of the Velvet Underground's "I Found a Reason" that socked me in the nostalgic region of my gut, and, at least in my current state, was alone reason enough to make this movie worth watching. That particular version of that song has a special place in my heart, and that was before seeing this movie or "V for Vendetta."

Seeing yourself. Seeing yourself. The places we go to, the places we end up, where are we willing to go, why are we willing, when... there are times when I simply do not understand why I am still alive. I really don't. The fact that I am alive means I am not as selfish as I sometimes imagine.

What is sacrifice? It is not the strict domain of the victim, the martyr. It is being shocked into the world, the physical world. It is seeing and acknowledging the vastness, the connections, the inescapable realities of people and things and what they do and where they sit and live and love and die. When your familiar landscapes are internal, it is indeed a shock to witness and accept this. Wooden floors and chairs and soiled clothing and cigarette butts. Chicken stew in a bowl and a pendant of fake crystals. Yes, fake crystals.

The world spins and strews its debris in your backyard. You gather it, assemble it, observe it, study it, take it inside, house it. You don't own it. You house it.