Hot Chocolate

Tonight after work I made a pitstop at Sally's Beauty Supply. If you don't know what Sally's is, it's basically this place where cosmetologists and/or grooming/beauty freaks do their shopping. If you are a cosmetologist, you're entitled to a Sally's Discount Card. There was a time when, even if you weren't a cosmetologist, you could get one of these cards. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that was eight years ago. That's when I got mine. It entitles you to something like 20% off shelf price. Mine is obviously an antique, looking like a piece from a child's board game, the newer ones are fancier and more official looking. Still, they are required to honor the old ones.

It must be glaringly obvious, not only from my consistent lack of a decent manicure, fancy hairstyle, or considered makeup, but from my purchases, that I am anything but a cosmetologist, hairstylist, manicurist etc. I always feel a bit sheepish when presenting my green and white phony-looking discount card. The clerk always has these ridiculously perfect looking nails. As I stand at the counter scribbling out my check, I am all too aware of my "worker's hands" - hangnails, dry skin etc. It's always this little moment of truth, always a little weird, but not weird enough to stop me from shopping there.

In any case, I went in there to get some wax. The kind you heat up in a little thingie and then smear all over your legs, bikini line etc., press a cloth strip against, and tear all your little hairs out with. I have been an avid waxer for years. Legs and bikini. Yes, I do my own bikini line. It's not quite a Brazilian. Most of my female friends who learn this seem to be amazed. I am conversely amazed that they are so willing to go to a salon and let someone else do it, to say nothing of the cost involved in doing so.

I love waxing, seriously. No, it really doesn't hurt. For some reason it just totally doesn't register as pain. Making hair disappear makes me happy. If that makes me anti-feminist (whatever) or a trichotillomaniac (look it up) then oh well! I like the way I look and feel with smooth legs and nether regions, plain and simple.

So I'm looking at the wax at Sally's. I figured I'd get the same as usual, this "Green Tea" shit, which I like the smell of. Looking and looking. "Brazilian Hard Wax" (been there, too temperamental), "Sensitive Skin Formula Honee Wax" (I like honey, not so much the smell), then my gaze comes to rest upon a tin of "Milk Chocolate Creme Wax." It makes the further claim of being an "aromatic blend." I pick it up. It looks like chocolate. I grab some cloth strips, make my way to the front, and cash that junk out.

To make a long story short: Milk Chocolate Creme Wax is sooooooo totally the shit. I came home, stuck it in the little melter thing, waited until it was nice and gooey, shut myself in the bathroom with my little space heater, and proceeded to goop this sticky yummy chocolaty-smellin' gunk all over my legs (of course just a little at a time) and started tearin' hairs. Waxing has never been so pleasurable, I swear. Whoever came up with that stuff deserves the Cosmetology Award of the Year, if one exists.

You thought I was a freak. Now you know.