I'd Like a Refill
The title of my last post, if you weren't aware, was borrowed from the Will Oldham aka Bonnie Prince Billy song of the same title. Johnny Cash also covered it. It's a gorgeous, sad song. I was just paying tribute to it, is all I'm saying. It was running through my mind. Find it on the internets if you've never heard it, and let it humble you.
Last night I took a half a Xanax before bed, determined to get some shut-eye. Instead, I lay awake until, at 5:00 a.m., with my brain becoming increasingly more active and my body more anxious, I took a half a Vicodin. I fell asleep around 5:30 probably. Woke up at 7:00. Reset the alarm for 8:00, but never fell back asleep. Yes, this was the interview morning. No, I wasn't awake all night fretting only about the interview - I mean, I was fretting about it at some point, but mostly due to the fact that it was looking more and more like I would never ever ever fall asleep, and would then have to drag my ass into the interview feeling like...well, like I hadn't slept all night and was mildly under the influence of drugs. Fuck.
So, yeah, it was priceless. After lying there for an hour between 7:00 and 8:00 trying to relax, I had to get vertical, I had no choice. I sat up, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and began to cry. I stood up, and continued crying. I walked down the stairs, hand to forehead, crying. Fucking fuck me.
Get the fucking soldier going. Buck up. So you didn't sleep. So you have to go and present yourself and appear that you have your wits together. So have a shower, get yourself all prettied up, have a few cups of coffee, and deal. You think this is tough? Get over it.
Interview went really well, and after that I went to work. I suppose I'm running on fumes at this point. The bed is big, and soft, and warm, and now we're gonna hold each other close.
Last night I took a half a Xanax before bed, determined to get some shut-eye. Instead, I lay awake until, at 5:00 a.m., with my brain becoming increasingly more active and my body more anxious, I took a half a Vicodin. I fell asleep around 5:30 probably. Woke up at 7:00. Reset the alarm for 8:00, but never fell back asleep. Yes, this was the interview morning. No, I wasn't awake all night fretting only about the interview - I mean, I was fretting about it at some point, but mostly due to the fact that it was looking more and more like I would never ever ever fall asleep, and would then have to drag my ass into the interview feeling like...well, like I hadn't slept all night and was mildly under the influence of drugs. Fuck.
So, yeah, it was priceless. After lying there for an hour between 7:00 and 8:00 trying to relax, I had to get vertical, I had no choice. I sat up, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and began to cry. I stood up, and continued crying. I walked down the stairs, hand to forehead, crying. Fucking fuck me.
Get the fucking soldier going. Buck up. So you didn't sleep. So you have to go and present yourself and appear that you have your wits together. So have a shower, get yourself all prettied up, have a few cups of coffee, and deal. You think this is tough? Get over it.
Interview went really well, and after that I went to work. I suppose I'm running on fumes at this point. The bed is big, and soft, and warm, and now we're gonna hold each other close.
posted by Black Egg at 12:27 AM
3 Comments:
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING VERY HEAVY.... CLOSING THEM SLOWLY, YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED NOW... YOU ARE FALLING INTO A DEEP SLEEP... SLEEPING NOW, AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU WILL FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON... WHO STRANGLY WILL "MEOW" AND FLAP YOUR ARMS LIKE A BIRD ANYTIME SOMEONE SAYS THE WORDS, "HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?"....
i'm glad the interview went well at least! i have had nights like these and...ugh, mornings like these too. have a good time sleeping when you get a chance!
Sleep happened last night, at least 7 hours of it, so I'm good w/ that. Tonight I am leaving nothing to chance, and drugs will be my friend.
Thank you both for the thoughts. Meow!
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