Lights Out
I really need to find a way to not dream about work. Another thing - I realized tonight that my blogging habit has suffered not because of TV as I suggested a few posts ago, but because work has been totally fucking draining. This is mostly because I'm learning and absorbing so much, and every day since I started on February 25th has been packed to the max.
It's been stressful. And that's pretty fucking boring. I'm going to take a Vicodin tonight I think, 'cause I'm desperate for the kind of sleep where I don't even realize I'm in bed. I want to be nowhere. Wake up and feel like I've no idea what just happened. Every night lately I feel aware of the bed and the effort to sleep and even when I'm dreaming I know that I'm dreaming and my awareness of the world is never shut off.
So I guess I'm kind of saying don't give up on reading my blog, because at some point it might get more interesting. I don't want to fill it with work talk, and that's pretty much all I feel capable of, and that's not what I want to do. Something's gotta give at some point, and I know it will, but for now I have to just keep on.
Last night I counted ducklings in my efforts to sleep, because they are soft and pure and yellow and uncomplicated. It helped only a little. I have a knack for finding sadness everywhere, even in the fuzz of a duckling.
It's been stressful. And that's pretty fucking boring. I'm going to take a Vicodin tonight I think, 'cause I'm desperate for the kind of sleep where I don't even realize I'm in bed. I want to be nowhere. Wake up and feel like I've no idea what just happened. Every night lately I feel aware of the bed and the effort to sleep and even when I'm dreaming I know that I'm dreaming and my awareness of the world is never shut off.
So I guess I'm kind of saying don't give up on reading my blog, because at some point it might get more interesting. I don't want to fill it with work talk, and that's pretty much all I feel capable of, and that's not what I want to do. Something's gotta give at some point, and I know it will, but for now I have to just keep on.
Last night I counted ducklings in my efforts to sleep, because they are soft and pure and yellow and uncomplicated. It helped only a little. I have a knack for finding sadness everywhere, even in the fuzz of a duckling.
posted by Black Egg at 10:39 PM
5 Comments:
hey no worries on the blog. write what you need to write. i always enjoy it.
heh, i'm going to blast myself into the ether with Nyquil tonight. Yeah, I'm easy that way. Tried gargling with CAYENNE PEPPER earlier to make this throat better. My sinuses are def better!
Hope the work thing gets easier for you. The first three months are always tough.
i know how you feel with the work blogging... no worries about the postings either, always enjoy them! its more then halfway throught the week!
NF: I needed to be reminded that the first three months are always tough, I'm being serious, so thanks. I work w/ wonderful people, both staff and clients, so that helps, but there have definitely been days where my head starts to cloud by the end of the day and I just want to shut everything out. Like yesterday when I cried my brains out after work. Today was better!
IV: Today is my Friday! Oh yes, I'm drinking screwdrivers w/ Midori! I will sleep til whenever tomorrow! And I hope I don't have any dreams! Have a great weekend!
STUCK IN THE TELEVISION ARE YA? hope all is well...
NOT stuck in the television! I wish.
Ahem. ok, maybe occasionally. ;)
I'm keepin'on. Seriously, I've just been a bit zapped. But things are improving slightly.
Thanx 4 checkin' in...
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