Intensity

I'm borrowing the complete Twin Peaks collection from a friend. It's pretty cool, 'cause I can watch it in bed on my laptop, and have been trying to watch an episode every night. I guess there are 29 episodes. I'm generally not much of a TV watcher, never mind "serial" watcher, but I have really enjoyed getting sucked into the little weird world of Twin Peaks. Of course I did see some of it when it aired on real TV back in... whenever that was. When I was surely living somewhere without the luxury of cable TV. I was in college, I know that.

I remember going to see Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me at the theatre with my friend Brian. That was more or less the post-prequel to the series. You learn about Laura Palmer's life, and you learn who killed her. I know I was PMSing when we went to see it, but nonetheless, I was so shocked by the physical and psychological violence at the end of it that I left the theatre crying, and feeling intensely vulnerable. It was a good movie.

The series is also very good. David Lynch deals solidly and profoundly with themes of the unconscious, of dreams and mystery, of deep, hidden threats. I was watching the episode "Lonely Souls" tonight, and it brought me right back to that night at the theatre, that crazy, uncontrollable, nonsensical but driven, violence. Fuck. I almost cried again, came just short.

I'm drinking beer mixed w/ super tasty homemade lemon/limeade tonight. I am in fact feeling vulnerable, but in a good way. I have something good going on in my life right now, but it's too soon to talk about it. Suffice to say that the brittle, protective shell I've had around me for a year or so is shedding, and my skin has relaxed enough to be felt and seen more clearly and truly than I have the sense to remember.