Oh Crap. I'm Drunk.
And I came to that determination when I leaned over just now to tell my cat he was very cute and was suddenly stricken w/a headspin. Sigh. This is the kind of thing about 5 OJ/Potato Vodka/Midori drinx will do to you. And yet, I guarantee I will not have any typos in this post. That's how scary it is when I'm drunk. Yes, I intentionally spelled drinx that way. Goddamn me.
Earlier I occupied myself w/ typical behavior of someone who decides that drinking several vodka drinks on a Tuesday night is a good idea. I listened to music. Sad music. Well, plaintive music. Music that made me think long and hard of someone I should not be thinking long and hard of. Dangerous music. Beautiful music. Oh fuck, what a joke.
Finally I am bleeding (told you I was drunk) so I can finally put to rest some of the unrest of recent days, my inspiration identified, targeted, and marked. Not that I wasn't aware of that being the case, I was, but it's fucking scary the role that hormones play in one's perceptions of what's going on w/ oneself and the world. I can sit there and say "OK. You are all fucked up and over because your body is fucking with you" but still say 'The world is ending" and mean both.
I have not talked about this. But basically, my dog is dying. She likely has a brain tumor. Her physical and cognitive abilities have become severely impaired. She has had seizures. Is now on meds to address that, which seem to be working, though they make her clumsier yet. She walks into everything, and stumbles easily. She messes in the house, and walks all through it, not knowing.
Why did I start talking about this, after 5 Vodka drinks. I want to, and will, talk about her more carefully, and fully, soon. She is my darling. She was my savior and hope, so many times. My love. My Dixie.
Earlier I occupied myself w/ typical behavior of someone who decides that drinking several vodka drinks on a Tuesday night is a good idea. I listened to music. Sad music. Well, plaintive music. Music that made me think long and hard of someone I should not be thinking long and hard of. Dangerous music. Beautiful music. Oh fuck, what a joke.
Finally I am bleeding (told you I was drunk) so I can finally put to rest some of the unrest of recent days, my inspiration identified, targeted, and marked. Not that I wasn't aware of that being the case, I was, but it's fucking scary the role that hormones play in one's perceptions of what's going on w/ oneself and the world. I can sit there and say "OK. You are all fucked up and over because your body is fucking with you" but still say 'The world is ending" and mean both.
I have not talked about this. But basically, my dog is dying. She likely has a brain tumor. Her physical and cognitive abilities have become severely impaired. She has had seizures. Is now on meds to address that, which seem to be working, though they make her clumsier yet. She walks into everything, and stumbles easily. She messes in the house, and walks all through it, not knowing.
Why did I start talking about this, after 5 Vodka drinks. I want to, and will, talk about her more carefully, and fully, soon. She is my darling. She was my savior and hope, so many times. My love. My Dixie.
posted by Black Egg at 11:48 PM
3 Comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. It must be really hard to see her go through those things.
Damn hormones. I hate mine. Hope today's a better day for you.
damn......
i didnt even know you had a dog. and i think i have read every single one of your posts, at least twice. its so fucking hard to watch pets suffer. i generally don't say "i'm sorry for what youre going through" but i can feel the heaviness in your heart... you will ultimately know what to do.. i know this...
on a lighter note....
so you say you were bloody drunk when you posted this? heh heh... sweet! i love drunken posting! read you soon!!!
Thanks for the thoughts, both of you. It's true I haven't talked about my dog much here, though I feel like I have bc I did on my old blog. I want to write about her, and I will - there's much to say about her - she's a powerful being, for her size. It is hard for me to express the ways she has helped me, and the pure admiration I have for her, but if you have a dog, you probably have an idea. When I write about her more fully, I need to give it time and attention. You'll see the story soon.
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