Wagoneer
Work has been a big ball of stress for the past few days, and I'm suffering from a bit of "caregiver burnout." My attitude has gotten a bit flip and cavalier, and even though I know the people I'm working with have varying degrees of mental illness, I've been pushing back when they push too hard. I haven't been mean, mind you. Just very blunt with the reality checks.
The other day I was trying to talk through an issue with a client, and she was being very, very stubborn, and yes, you could say manipulative. Which is a survival mechanism for her, understood. As she belligerently and strenuously tried to convince me to give her extra cigarettes "just once", a call came in from another client who had accidentally cut his hand and was "bleeding all over the place."
I calmly instructed him to call 911 immediately after getting off the phone with me, and told him I would drive over immediately as well. I hang up and tell this woman I have been arguing with that I have to go. She heard the whole conversation I had with the other client, including the part about bleeding and calling 911. "But what about my cigarettes?" I just stare at her. "Did you hear me tell that person to call 911?" "Yeah, but..." "Yeah, but I have to go NOW! We'll talk about your cigarettes later!" Fuck. Anyway.
I'm still on this weird body-hyper-awareness thing. I've basically been doing some arguably good things for my body, but it's happening very organically and intuitively and even though it feels a little unfamiliar I like it. It's not that I ate poorly before, and I still don't think I was drinking excessively (it's arguable that I might've been drinking more than is really healthy - arguable) but I'm in a different, very subtle place. Much more focused on food. The quality of it, and the effort put in to prepare it, even when it's just for me.
My mind feels still and searching, that's the most I can say about it right now. Things are quiet. I feel like I've entered a labyrinth, but the center is still far away. If I sound kooky I don't mind, because I also feel real.
The other day I was trying to talk through an issue with a client, and she was being very, very stubborn, and yes, you could say manipulative. Which is a survival mechanism for her, understood. As she belligerently and strenuously tried to convince me to give her extra cigarettes "just once", a call came in from another client who had accidentally cut his hand and was "bleeding all over the place."
I calmly instructed him to call 911 immediately after getting off the phone with me, and told him I would drive over immediately as well. I hang up and tell this woman I have been arguing with that I have to go. She heard the whole conversation I had with the other client, including the part about bleeding and calling 911. "But what about my cigarettes?" I just stare at her. "Did you hear me tell that person to call 911?" "Yeah, but..." "Yeah, but I have to go NOW! We'll talk about your cigarettes later!" Fuck. Anyway.
I'm still on this weird body-hyper-awareness thing. I've basically been doing some arguably good things for my body, but it's happening very organically and intuitively and even though it feels a little unfamiliar I like it. It's not that I ate poorly before, and I still don't think I was drinking excessively (it's arguable that I might've been drinking more than is really healthy - arguable) but I'm in a different, very subtle place. Much more focused on food. The quality of it, and the effort put in to prepare it, even when it's just for me.
My mind feels still and searching, that's the most I can say about it right now. Things are quiet. I feel like I've entered a labyrinth, but the center is still far away. If I sound kooky I don't mind, because I also feel real.
posted by Black Egg at 11:12 PM
2 Comments:
ITS FUNNY, when the body wants steak, you eat steak, when it wants chocolate, you eat chocolate... and so on.
its nice when the body says "hey man, lets not drink for a few days and see how that feels..." and you can roll with that. good luck with the cleansing.
perhaps part of all the weirdness happening is from the stress at work and the bodys way of trying to focus? i dunno... have a great week.
so what happened to the bloody buddy?
It is funny, isn't it? And I'm very much that way in general, an intuitive eater. I think stress has something to do with it. I feel like I'm recalibrating my body or something. Oh, and wouldn't you know, I start to get a cold/sinus thing the other day... this supports my theory that alcohol is actually very healthy... but I'm still holding off!
Bloody guy was fine, 3 stitches, but he's been really bad about keeping it protected...
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